February 24, 2007
Another Example of Stupidity From Government
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
I see that the state legislature of the state of Virginia will be making an apology for their role in slavery a hundred and fifty years ago, even though no living person today in their silly state ever owned a slave. I thought I would have a little fun and I sent the following letter to a state senator in that state. You may wish to do something like it yourself.
Dear Senator, I understand that the state legislature of the state of Virginia will be declaring their profound sympathy for their role in slavery. I wish to enter my demand for an official state apology also. Several years ago, the state of Virginia had the slogan, "Virginia is for lovers" at a time my wife and I were experiencing marital difficulties. While it is true the two of us have solved our problems and are happily married at this time, we were devastated then by your insensitive state motto. I nearly suffered a nervous breakdown while thinking about your very hateful slogan. I think it only fair that the state of VIrginia should issue an official apology for their thoughtlessness, even though it is most unlikely that any present member of the legislature was responsible for approving the slogan to begin with. I would appreciate your timely response to my demand. I feel my mental health is at very serious risk at this time. Thank you.
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 11:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 30, 2006
Hussein Assumes Room Temperature
At last, Saddam is worm food. The news footage from around the world shows crazy Muslims demonstrating en masse against America. This is because America failed to execute the war in a victorious manner. I urge all my readers to go here to voice your disapproval with the Looney Left and their traitorous behavior. This is a copy of my letter.
http://reid.senate.gov/contact/email_form.cfm
Dear Senator, Hussein is dead, and the Muslims are marching in protest all over the world. I think you need to see the pictures, because you and your party of Liberal Democrats are responsible for this in large measure. They are burning President Bush in effigy, and that is YOUR President, too. And you helped our enemies by all your actions since the war began. These animals want to kill YOU, too, Senator, and also me and my family and even my dog. So, be proud of killing the Patriot Act, and make sure you give the animals in Guantanamo their civil rights and make sure every illegal alien that is presently invading our country their basic American rights. And when these animals are putting the noose around your neck, and your family lies dead with their heads hacked off, you can take all the responsibility because you were a traitor to your country, your government and your fellow American. You louse.
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 29, 2006
Global Warming-A Short Rant
It seems a large chunk of ice has broken off Ellesmere Island in the Canadian Arctic, and it is being attributed to global warming. This mass of ice is 25.5 square miles in area and heaven knows how thick. I heard a report on global warming a week or so ago that stated that cattle farts are the greatest danger to humanity because these little blasts of grass-goo heats up the atmosphere. I just want PETA to know that this holiday weekend, I am going to do my very best to invite all my family and friends over to eat as much steak on the grille as I can possibly afford. And chicken, and lamb, and rabbit, and deer, and pig, and...
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 02:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 01, 2006
Harry Reid's Indifference to Taxpayers - a Short Rant
Soon-to-be Senate Majority Leader Harry "Ratface" Reid recently announced that plans for the nation's first nuclear waste repository near Yucca Mountain in Nevada to be "dead right now." All American taxpayers need to realize the importance of Senator Reid’s egregious statement. The U.S. has invested over twenty years and billions of dollars into the Yucca site and there is no alternative plan. The government also promised to take possession of approximately 50,000 tons of nuclear waste now stored by commercial utilities in 31 states. American taxpayers presently owe 243 MILLION dollars in damages for the government's failure to meet the original 1998 deadline for accepting shipments of radioactive waste from nuclear plants. (Can you name the President at that time?) This is just a fraction of the possible total liability, which has been estimated at about 60 BILLION ( with a B) dollars. Even if work on the Yucca Mountain site was to continue to completion, the repository won't be completed until the year 2017, and taxpayers will continue to pay damages for the next 10 years. It should be evident to everyone that the lawsuits won't stop and the fines won't quit accumulating just because the Democrats are in charge. The only thing Ratface can do is further delay completion and possibly kill the project. This is another example of Democrats putting personal political interests ahead of public taxpayer interests, and as usual, it is the taxpayer that will suffer. This is a great example of why Democrats should never put in charge of anything more responsible than, say, a newspaper route. But, that's just my opinion.
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 06:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 28, 2006
Joe Biden-a Short Rant
Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del, corrupted himself today with a stupid remark. These people are tripping all over themselves to see who can make the most idiotic remark. Biden's entry in the contest is, "I warn all of you, all of you making more than a million bucks - I hope you all are - I'm taking away your tax cut. I'm not joking." Only a Democrat could stress the fact that he's not joking about planning to ruin the greatest economy in the history of the world. There is also the fact that by raising everyone's taxes, the chances of becoming that millionaire have been reduces enormously. What a complete ass. Mr. Biden is under the delusional idea that by revoking tax cuts, he will increase revenue by 75 billion dollars. He wants to use the money to pay for various national security and law enforcement programs presently on a backlog. (I'll bet a dollar no one can explain how a Democrat can make a coherent statement pertaining to either national security or law enforcement!) This is one of the main reasons why I despise Democrats so much. They are as stubborn as their stupid mascot jackass to admit that tax increases stagnate the economy and lead to inflation, less productivity and a decrease of federal revenue. Tax cuts generate wealth, revenue and job creation. But they refuse to acknowledge the truth. Mr. Biden made this stupid remark while in Columbia, SC in an attempt to gain support for his presidential bid. I guess Democrats will always be associated with tax and spend. They cannot help themselves. Let's see if the people of South Carolina have the intelligence to tar and feather Mr. Biden and run him out of their state on a rail. But, that is just my opinion.
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 05:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 10, 2006
Anger
Unprovoked acts of violence should stir anger in the hearts of brave men. Given an enemy that hates us, if we are not angered to hate in return, we will be killed. Our collective must hate the enemy if we are to kill the enemy. We must seek to kill our enemy and treat those who betray our efforts of self preservation as enemies also. It has become increasingly popular to blame societal ills on anger and claim that hate is always bad. On the contrary, in some situations, anger is necessary, hate is healthy.
Posted by RobF at 07:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 01, 2006
Trivial thought...
I got to thinking about all the complaints about "big oil" and the horrific profits they make. I did some checking. The next time you hear a Democrat whine about oil profits, point out this interesting fact to the dummy. The Federal Government, which operates the U.S. Postal System, charges more to deliver a one-ounce letter across the street than the oil companies charge to deliver 4 pounds of oil from the Persian Gulf to our Eastern Seaboard - halfway around the world!!!
Marshal Will Kane
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 05:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 19, 2006
The Mute Swan...A Short Rant
Phantom Lake in Mukwonago, Wisconsin, has been home to a species of swan called the mute swan. Phantom Lake currently is home to approximately 40 of these beautiful swans. However, these is one teeney weeney problem concerning these birds. It seems they are not native to the area. In fact, they are not native to the state. And if that wasn't bad enough, they are not naturally found at all in the United States. They have arrived to this area from Europe, replacing the trumpeter swan, which IS native to the area. The mute swan and the trumpeter swan cannot co-exist because mute swans are a bit like Los Angeles gangs. They are aggressive and chase the trumpeter swans away. The mute swan has called Mukwonago home now for over 100 years, but that just isn't good enough. Wisconsin's Department of Natural Resources has decided the mute swan has to go to make room for the native trumpeter swan. So, agents are preparing to shoot all 40 of the mute swans. Which brings me to my point...how come the government is so gung ho on protecting an American swan from an encroaching foreign swan, but refuses to protect an American citizen from an encroaching foreign wetback? Does the government place more value on an American swan than an American citizen? Another point. They don't plan to extradite the mute swans, they are going to SHOOT them, KILL them and MAKE THEM BLEED. Is this intended to prove that American government agents really are capable of violence against illegal aliens without having to face down an illegal alien? Why is it more important to protect a stupid swan than American citizens? Can anyone see any logic in this? Mark up another one for Liberal stupidity and political correctness. They are always wrong. But that is just my opinion.
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 05:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 15, 2006
Fixing Illegal Immigration
Here is my solution to the illegal alien situation. I believe we need
to mobilize all the true Reagan Republicans in the United States and
welcome every Mexican who wants to come here either legally or illegally.
The main object is to get them here. There are several incentives we
can use to persuade them to come into the United States. For instance,
we can use the recent Supreme Court ruling permitting the government to
steal our property to ensure every Mexican a free house upon arrival.
Also, we can grant every immigrant access to free health care, a free
college education and never have to pay a cent in taxes. Once every
Mexican is inside the United States, every Reagan Republican would quietly
emmigrate into Mexico.
Once inside Mexico, we would build a nuclear waste barrier along the
entire border. The purpose is not to keep them from getting back out,
but to keep them inside. We then allow nature to run its course.
The entire population of the United States would consist of Liberal
Democats. Liberal Democrats embrace homosexuality. The dramatic increase
in AIDS coupled with the decrease in the birth rate will rapidy reduce
the population in the United States.
With every Liberal Democrat embracing abortion, the dramatic
eradication of the future generation will further reduce the population at a
rapid rate.
With every Liberal Democrat renouncing Christianity, and embracing
every moonbat religion, especially Islam, the population will be rapidly
decreased due to the death penalty being imposed upon the perpetrators of
even very minor crimes.
With every Liberal Democrat embracing the idea that every child
molester, murderer, rapist and police killer is simply a misunderstood
individual, they will quickly empty every prison cell and mental institution
in the United States. This will result in a widespread wave of violence
and murder the likes of which the world has never seen. This will
further reduce the population very rapidly.
In my estimation, it will take about five years for America to become a
disease-ridden, death filled cesspool of corruption and decay. In
these same five years, hard working, freedom loving Reagan Republicans will
have turned Mexico into a thriving, vibrant industrialized power. We
will then be able to re-enter the United States, invest another five
years in cleaning up the mess left by Liberal Democrats, and make Mexico
the fifty-first state. In this way, we will have increased the
industrial base of the United States by about fifty per cent and also gained
access to precious oil reserves. The beauty of this is, there won't be
any looney Liberal Democrats telling us we
can't drill for it. And, we won't have to go up into the cold Arctic
regions to do it. Let's hear it for the Liberal Democrats, the Party of
Death.
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 09:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 13, 2006
A Short Rant...Karl Rove
Over the past 5 years or so, the Bush White House has been roasted over an open fire concerning Karl Rove disclosing the identity of Valerie Plame as a CIA operative in a political vendetta. For most of that time, no one ever seemed to be interested enough to inquire into whether the accusations were true. Truth, you must remember, is not important to a Democrat. The Democrats came to the decision that this issue was enough to "get Rove" and that's all that mattered. Sidney Blumenthal, a former Clinton aide, wrote a book entitled "How Bush Rules: Chronicles of a Radical Regime," which includes a section that says Rove confirmed to Time magazine's Matt Cooper Plame's identity. Blumenthal jumped on this as proof of political payback. American Prospect's cover story in August 2005 stated that Rove is a bully who "stifled those who might have revealed his secrets." Well, here it is a year later, and golly, shucks, whatdayaknow, Plame's identity was not bandied about by Karl Rove or even one of his friends, but by Richard L. Armitage who happened to be a deputy secretary of state at that time. Naturally, the Bush White House was accused - falsely - of orchestrating the leak of Plame's identity to ruin her career to punish Mr. Joseph Wilson, Plame's husband, an Iraqi intelligence critic who opposed the war in Iraq. Typically, the Democrats (remember, they don't politicize anything) have been screaming for Karl Rove to resign. Or, at least they were, until Armitage was identified as the culprit in the whole affair. Now, suddenly, not a peep out of the Democrats. It's like they never said a word. Do you think they could possibly utter an apology about their sad behavior? OF COURSE NOT, they are DEMOCRATS! They never apologize for anything! They don't even admit they were wrong! Yeah, I really hate these people.
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 12, 2006
Flash Back
A quick point on September 12... I still openly weep with a mix of sorrow and venomous anger whenever I see the images of 9/11 (despite the mainstream media's efforts to effectually sensor them lest they motivate us to hate our enemy).
I suppose this quick flashback represents my feelings in a nutshell.
Posted by RobF at 08:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 20, 2006
The Way I Dress and Think
My employer has a dress code, and the only day I can dress "comfortably" in on Friday. That is "casual" day. Usually, I make the most of it, by wearing jeans and something highly political, like a good Reagan shirt, and a hat that has several military type pins. I get a lot of stares, some middle fingers, and some handshakes. (Honestly, the handshakes far outnumber the fingers, a fact that thrills my heart.) Occasionally, someone will ask me, "Why do you wear those things?" and seldom do they give me a chance to actually answer them before they shake their head and walk away. So, I thought I would take the time to give my thoughts on this issue.
The Pittsburgh Steelers won their 5th Superbowl about 7 months ago now. During all this time, the craze to wear "Gold and Black" has not abated much at all. Anywhere you go where large groups of people can be seen, there are those true fans, wearing their team colors, bolding verifying to each other that they are still in Steeler country, and yes, Big Ben is still number one. Well, my political dress is a lot like this kind of behavior, only the team I root for has a lot less exposure on the backs of fellow citizens. I don't have the same acceptance as a Steeler fan, either. No "high fives" or thumbs up. Just an occasional hand shake. But you might give this some thought the next time you see someone proudly wearing their 'Burg gear. The Steelers will play again, and they might win or they might lose. The other team might cheat, or the referees might make egregious errors. It might rain, it might snow. But, the Steelers will play again soon. Whether they won or lost, the significance in your daily life really amounts to absolutely NOTHING. The only people who gain from your faithfulness to the Steelers are the Steelers. However, the team I am rooting for has a direct bearing on my future, my well being and quite possibly my very survival. Allow the Democrats to regain the White House and the Senate and the House, and you'll know why I root for my team so hard.
Posted by Marshal Will Kane at 01:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 10, 2005
Parking Lot Rage
Just a gripe...
I wish I had a dollar for every second of my life I have wasted in my car in a supermarket parking lot stuck behind some loser that refuses to move because they are waiting for someone else to load their groceries in their trunk and pull out of their spot.
Here's a clue for anyone so astonishingly lazy that they can't walk an extra 100 feet. The time it takes you to wait for someone else to vacate a "good" spot is more than twice the time it would have taken you to park further away and walk the distance. If you can't bear the walk, maybe you need to get a handicap sticker and park in one of the frequently vacant (and always too numerous) handicap parking spaces instead of holding up everyone else and creating a real cluster.
Sometimes I just want to wait for those people to FINALLY park and get out of their car so I can run them over. See how long it takes them to walk in the store then...
These are the same people that park their shopping carts in the middle of the %$#@ aisle and proceed to slowly browse every single can on the shelf in an attempt to select only the ripest, most succulent can while keeping everyone behind them from getting on with their lives.
Yeah, I guess I feel a little bit better. Thanks, that is all.
Posted by RobF at 11:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 02, 2005
Bathroom Wisdom
I just posted a note above the urinals in the men's room of the building I work at that said:
"Seeing as though you’re just standing there with your member in your hand, perhaps you could be a real swell guy and pull on the handle when you’re done eh?That would be splendid…"
Does my insistence on good bathroom habits make me any less of a man? Is it unreasonable to assume that most civilized men are motivated enough to not treat their work place restroom like a frat kegger party bathroom? Is it too much to expect the slobs to actually WASH their hands upon exiting the stall so that it wouldn't be necessary to utilize a hand towel when opening the door?
It is situations like this that, every once in a great while, cause me to wonder if life would be better as a woman. But then I have a good laugh and the notion goes away, it always does.
Posted by RobF at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 14, 2005
Vermin
April 14th finds a good many of us, once again, bending over and grabbing our ankles like good little comrades. Last night the misses and myself sat at the dining room table stuffing envelopes with W-2’s, 1099’s, and of course big fat checks. We wrote a check to the Federal gummint, we wrote a check to the Pennsylvania State gummint, we wrote a check to our local gummint, and then we wrote a second check for our 2005 1040-ES also to the Federal gummint.
In my thirty three years on this earth, I’ve never uttered the words “rat bastards” so many times. I’ve casually watched as those bloodsucking demons from hell’s backside vacuumed dollars out of my paycheck all year and the %$#@ democrats had the audacity to gripe about the irresponsible Bush tax cuts.
You would think that two college educated individuals would have the ability to sit down and do their federal and state taxes with relevant ease. You’d think that a governing body that expects their population to voluntarily take part in such self-mutilation would have the decency to make it as easy as possible if not somewhat painless. After hours, no days, squinting through the tears of anguish at TurboTax we finally threw our hands in the air and figured it was close enough. I simply refuse to continue to spend more of my time trying to figure out how I can give my money to a bunch of scoundrels.
I am convinced that nothing crushes the entrepreneurial spirit of decent Americans like the simple fact that you work your ass off in order to support the vast unclean that are quite content to suckle off the tit of Ma gummint. The whole time listening to democrats who have the raw audacity to call a tax cut (money they never owned and weren’t entitled to in the first place) an "EXPENSE".
Rat bastards…
Posted by RobF at 12:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 13, 2005
Blood Pressure
I’m being harassed. I hear the familiar vacant static on the telephone followed by a click, pause, and a human voice obviously programmed to utter the same phrases repeatedly over an eight hour shift. “Hello may I please speak with Robert”. Often I am standing at the kitchen counter with the headset cradled between my shoulder and ear, chef knife in hand while deftly stepping over and around four dogs jockeying for position directly under my feet. Somehow they’ve gotten my cell phone number and I endure the same scenario as I fumble to answer the phone while switching gears, steering, and avoiding oncoming traffic. I hear the same familiar monotone voice after being interrupted in a meeting or at work. “Why do you insist on calling my cell phone after I’ve asked you a thousand times to only call me at home, why, why, WHY”, I plead. I come home to the familiar orange glow of the telephone answering machine informing me that there are messages. I hit the play button and shudder as the monotony drones on and on.
I know what you’re thinking, put yourself on the no call list, or pay your credit card bills and the calls will stop. I only wish that it were so for these harassing phone calls are not made by pushy telemarketers or bill collectors though I am guilty of bringing this misery upon myself and my family. My crime? Since my high school days, I have donated blood. Not every six weeks, but whenever I see an opportunity and I have time. It’s painless, and it makes me feel like I’m doing something to help someone else. For this reason alone, I am subject to endless pandering, from my kitchen, from my car, at my job, while I’m away from home. Two, sometimes three times a week I deal with shameless invasions of my privacy by complete strangers pleading for access to my very life fluid.
Donating blood used to be so much simpler. Drop by the local Red Cross, go through the interview, and let them stick you in the arm. Now I receive the endless series of phone calls from the Central Blood Bank asking me to make a specific appointment to give my own blood away. If I agree, then I receive not one, but TWO follow up reminder calls in regard to my appointment and telling me to be sure to eat and drink something before I go. It has seriously become a source of angst in my life. I feel pressured, agitated, and harassed. I have repeatedly asked them to stop calling my cell phone yet they continue to call that number. It continues at a more and more frenzied pace until I actually have the time to make a donation. Then, blessed silence; for six weeks until I am eligible to donate again and the cursed cycle begins all over again.
I consider myself a compassionate person. I want to do the right thing and I take a certain amount of pride in donating blood. On 9/12/2001 I was in a cot with a needle in my veins. It’s the least I can do and I realize that I’m only a traffic miscue away from needing a donor to come to my aid. However, I can say without a doubt, Central Blood Bank’s telephone solicitation has actually discouraged me, to a huge degree, from giving blood. I used to feel sympathetic to everything they stood for, now I get annoyed when I even think about giving blood. The endless telephone calls are like a pushy stranger poking me in the back of the neck with his finger, “do you want to donate blood, we really need blood, can you make an appointment, don’t forget your appointment, please remember to eat and drink”. It’s maddening, and it’s the wrong approach.
Posted by RobF at 11:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 15, 2005
C&L Style Justice
Posted by RobF at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 16, 2005
Color Commentary
Let me temper the following rant with the admission that the Cocked and Locked home base is located in a suburb of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. While I’ve enjoyed a life long love affair with a certain storied franchise from Dallas Texas, I have found it easy to become swept up in the black and gold frenzy that sweeps this area during the fall. My in-laws were all born and raised here and Pittsburgh is, as they claim, a drinking town with a football problem.
So it goes without saying that yesterday afternoon found us all in my living room, cold drinks and food everywhere, all eyes glued to the television, and decked out in our black and gold regalia. We were not disappointed, the home team prevailed, in truly exciting fashion. So this rant has nothing to do with the final outcome or the officiating or the quality of play. As is often the case when the Steelers game is being televised on CBS, we were doomed to endure the clichéd commentary of one, Dan Dierdorf. As soon as I caught the first glimpse of his ugly mug on the screen I lobbied to play the local radio broadcast and turn the volume down on the television. So for the first half of the game we listened to the deranged and somewhat intoxicated (I’m sure) commentary of our all too familiar local yokels Bill Hillgrove, Myron Cope, and Tunch Ilken. Broadcasting for a Pittsburgh radio station affords these guys the luxury of unabashedly supporting the home team. They cheer for the Pittsburgh players, speak with Pittsburgh accents and are paid by local Pittsburgh sponsors. Unfortunately, the radio broadcast is about three seconds ahead of the television broadcast which does detract from the viewing experience. While the ball is in the air on television, Hillgrove is already screaming about an interception. If I was watching the game alone, I probably would have dealt with the situation and pretended that I was gifted with just a touch of psychic ability. Unfortunately, it seemed to bother some of the other “Picksberg Stiller” fans gathered for the celebration so the second half found us suffering through the inane ramblings of my favorite color commentator.
Now I’ll be honest, I certainly haven’t done any research into the life and past of Dierdorf. I’m pretty sure he played his entire career with the (then) St. Louis Cardinals meaning that he suffered through some pretty dismal years on some rather pathetic teams. I believe it is exactly this fact that motivates this gas bag to gush over the underdog team week after week. This is especially true if the other team happens to be a franchise with a successful history like the Cowboys, the Steelers, the 49ers, or the Raiders. I swear to God, I would not have been surprised if, when CBS panned to the broadcasting booth, Dan Dierdorf was standing there in a Jets jersey and green wig chanting “J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!” He may as well have gone out on the field and stuck his tongue right down the back of every New York player’s knickers.
I understand that, before they were commentators, before they were players, these guys were sports fans just like me and every other yahoo that was screaming at the television and getting all frenzied in front of the overtime spectacle yesterday evening. However, Dan Dierdorf collects a paycheck from CBS and should therefore be obligated to broadcast an unbiased version of the unfolding events. He constantly praises the underdog team and, if the favored team performs well, acts as if it was the expected outcome and is therefore undeserving of mention.
ABC did the right thing a few years back by dropping him from the Monday Night Football broadcast and I couldn’t have been happier. Now, because the Steelers games are broadcast predominately on CBS, I’m stuck listening to this idiot use the same worn out expressions and struggle with his bitterness over the successful franchises that were so good at kicking his fanny all over the field during his playing days. Mr. Dierdorf belongs on a local radio broadcast not a supposedly impartial national television broadcasting network famous for keeping such level headed, benevolent, nonpartisan talking heads as Dan Rather on their payroll (that was harder for me to write than it was for you to read, believe me).
Posted by RobF at 09:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 05, 2005
The Golden Token of Right of Way-ness
Okay, time to vent about something that turns my screws just about every single day. I’ve noticed that I’ve been picking up readers from all over the globe and I was wondering if this was an issue, not only in other states here in the U.S. but in other countries as well. I realize that there may be some difficulty understanding some of the scenarios I will be explaining below, especially for those of you living in barbarous third world countries that force people to drive on the wrong side of the road. I’m fairly well traveled here in the states but I don’t get behind the wheel out of state often enough to know if the situation explained below is apparent in other locals.
A little light background: I grew up in Central New York State which, while nothing like New York City, still has a hint of New York attitude. This is especially true when it comes to driving. It doesn’t matter how much traffic is on the road, you’re not going to catch a break from a New York driver. Actually, you’re more apt to get cut off, honked at, or yelled at by a New York driver. Having grown up there, that is where I cut my teeth behind the wheel of a car. In my opinion, there were two distinct advantages to learning to drive in Syracuse. First, you drove by the rules, no freelancing (I’ll get to this in a minute). Second with the exception of Buffalo, Syracuse is the most foul, frozen, hellish place on the planet. People living in other cities would need the help of a team of sled dogs to get to work given the lake effect weather in central New York. Not Syracusans, they’ll drive in anything. One has to, or they’d be locked indoors for four months out of the year. So, I learned to drive in snow, sleet, freezing rain, and just about anything else precipitation and cold weather can dish out.
Having relocated to Pennsylvania about 9 years ago, I noticed some strange behavior being exhibited by the natives. Pulling up to an intersection, I would wait for the driver with the right of way to proceed. Instead, I saw the driver motioning from the driver’s seat to myself and other cars at the intersection to go ahead. I was baffled, surely this must be some mental disorder occurring only in that unique individual but no, I kept noticing this strange behavior in other Pennsylvanians. It was as if, after having been handed the invisible token of right of way-ness, the driver was bestowed with the magical power to either send people on their way a little early or put up their hand saying (in their best Ian McKellen voice), “YOU SHALL NOT PASS”. They were simply making up the rules of the road dependant upon what kind of mood they were in at that particular moment.
I’ll bet some of you are thinking that I’m being cantankerous. Surely no harm can come of someone just trying to be courteous on the roadway. That is completely false. There is plenty of harm in this activity. I cannot tell you the number of times I have coasted up to an intersection in which I do not have a stop sign or need to yield and, upon using my left turn signal, I am cut off by a driver pulling out of the roadway that I am attempting to turn on. Drivers have come to expect other drivers to wave them on, regardless if there is no traffic and they are at a stop sign. Another frustrating, if not revolting, situation is if you are the driver stopped at a stop sign, waiting to make a left hand turn and a driver is plodding along perpindicular from right to left and decides they want to make a left hand turn on to the road you are stopped on. Pennsylvania drivers will often put on their brakes (stopping traffic behind them), stop in the middle of the open road and begin to wave you on, regardless if there is oncoming traffic on the other side of the road. I’m perfectly willing to wait my turn in all traffic situations as I’m never sure if the traffic behind that driver will decide to go around them on the right and smash me as I meander out of turn. The driver, seeing that their courtesy is seemingly being snubbed will often then begin to frantically motion for you to go ahead (after all you’re wasting their day and you’re ignoring their golden token of right of way-ness). I’ve actually had drivers start yelling at me and giving me the finger because I was unwilling to essentially commit a moving violation. There are plenty of scenarios I could explain and diagram and endlessly rant about but I think you get the idea.
I’m not someone to wantonly abuse or ignore someone’s generosity but I think that there is a time and a place. I find it more than a little amusing that thousands of Pennsylvania drivers will put everyone on the roadway at risk for the opportunity to direct traffic from the driver’s seat but they will not hold the door for someone at a restaurant.
Here are the facts. The Pennsylvania State rules of the road, and any other place on the planet, hopefully, are put in place because they offer the safest, most organized, and most efficient method for moving cars about the roadways. When some asshat decides they are going to change those rules to work within the confines of what they have decided is a safer, more organized, and more efficient method of moving their car, and the cars of other motorists, about the roadways then they have introduced a degree of unpredictability and have, therefore, thwarted the efforts of the well intentioned individuals who have designed and instituted the accepted and documented rules of the road.
So, in short, I would just like to tell anyone who might be from Pennsylvania, who may drive a car, and who happens to be a patron of my little corner of the blogosphere: if it’s your turn, GO, if it’s not your turn, STOP, if you don’t know whether or not it’s your turn, stop at the next available parking lot, use a pay phone or a cell phone and call someone to come pick your sorry ass up because you obviously don’t have the scruples required to operate a motor vehicle!
Thank you, that is all.
Posted by RobF at 12:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 22, 2004
Happy Winter Kwahanumas
There is no question that the founding fathers of our great country held in great esteem, the values and principles of their Christian beliefs. Those principles can be found specific, and in great detail, in all of the major documents and proceedings leading to the founding of the republic. It would be a waste of time and bandwidth to begin to list examples. The laws, customs, and bedrock of our society is based on fundamental Christian values.
Such a society, the world has never seen the likes of, nor, I would guess, will it ever see again. The United States of America is the single greatest, most compassionate, and most accepting society the world has ever seen. It is this belief, that human beings are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights that inspired our Christian forefathers and led them to create a society in which all people, from all the regions of the world, practicing all religions were tolerated and accepted.
Given our country’s well documented dedication to Christian values, it is no wonder that Christmas is, and has been for well over a hundred years, recognized as a federal holiday. By no means is our government forcing people to celebrate Christmas, they are simply putting forth the necessary infrastructure that allows most people to take the day off from work. Given that the majority of United States citizens consider themselves Christian, it is not outside the realm of common sense for the government to recognize Christmas as a national day of celebration.
In recent times, government recognition of Christmas has come under fire by groups such as the ACLU and renegade liberal judges with personal agendas. Our society affords black Americans the right to celebrate Kwanzaa, a holiday *made up* in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga, a black militant, Marxist, and convicted felon (shortly after the invention of Kwanzaa, Dr. Karenga was convicted of torturing two black women). Our society affords Wiccans the right to celebrate the Yule on Winter Solstice. This holiday commemorates the horned god dieing and being reborn as a goddess. I confess I really have no idea what this means. I know that this blog is in its infancy and has no real readership but, if by some strange coincidence, I happen to have a Wiccan reader, could you possibly cast a spell of understanding on me?
My intention is not to make fun of these religious practices (too much). If people want to celebrate horned gods of aromatherapy or take part in practices made up by a man who was convicted of forcing people to drink detergent while beating them with electrical cords and crushing their toes in a vice, then that is THEIR prerogative. If they can drum up enough support to lobby congress to pass legislation recognizing their celebration as a federal holiday, I’ll take the day off with pay. Personally, like generations of people before me, I choose to celebrate the birth of my savior and I resent the fact that small groups of minorities are spending millions of tax payer dollars to shut Christians and their meaningful customs in the closet. I will tell anyone that Christianity is the true faith and Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I’ll tell them that The United States of America is a proud nation whose core values are based on the teachings of Jesus Christ and it is that fact alone that makes this nation so great, so arrogant, and so right. As a Christian, I will never accept Muhammad, or nature as God, nor will I ever tell someone to have a happy Kwanzaa or a safe Winter Solstice. As a Christian, on December 25 I celebrate the Prince of Peace, proudly, loudly, and with the absolute certainty that Jesus is great and I am right.
UPDATE: SondraK at Knowledge is Power gives us this funny cartoon.
Posted by RobF at 11:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 20, 2004
My Favorite Things
Aaaah, the thermometer has dipped just in time to exponentially increase the already dangerously probable rates of road rage incidents. Couple that with our region’s propensity for directing traffic from the driver’s seat, rubber-necking at some poor schmuck changing a flat tire in the slush, and their bizarre belief that tunnel entrances could, at any time, suddenly dart to one side or the other, and you have the annual traffic nightmare that is Pittsburgh during the holiday season.
Michelle at ASV points out a few strange seasonal traditions that I, having grown up in Syracuse, can appreciate.
Posted by RobF at 11:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
